The bombs fall in Nagorno-Karabakh – and the EU closes its eyes. She could do something about it if she wanted to. But she doesn’t want to. So I do it. A satirical column by Martin Sonneborn.

Ladies and gentlemen, wait a minute, you are now witnessing a moment of world-historical importance, and this here on Chillreport: as an unofficial spokesman for the European Parliament, I hereby officially recognize the Artsakh Republic – you know it under the name Nagorno-Karabakh On. Ink boom! We will catch up to the celebration after the reconstruction of the cities, which are reduced to rubble and ashes before our eyes by drones from Azerbaijan.

I’ve been there twice and have come to appreciate this little democratic republic of scholars. More than a quarter of the 30-member parliament consists of professors; the constitution was drawn up some 25 years ago by a German lawyer based on the example of our constitution. (He has, however, improved a few small things: in Arzach, for example, MEPs are not allowed to engage in paid secondary activities, except for art and science. I wish that for the German Bundestag, Smiley!)

Talked about peace with the then President of the Artsakh Republic, Bako Sahakyan. (Source: Martin Sonneborn)

Lovely people and a school subject called ‘chess’

Artsakh is an oasis of democracy in a desert made up of dubious autocracies. With lovely, peaceful people, a school subject called “chess” (cannot be turned off) and a mulberry schnapps that is too tasty, that should prolong life.

Martin Sonneborn (55) is a satirist, journalist and politician. He is Federal Chairman of the Labor, Rule of Law, Animal Protection, Elite Support and Grassroots Initiative (Die Party) party and has been a Member of the European Parliament since 2014.

With Azerbaijan, on the other hand, I am strongly associated with being blacklisted there (since my visit to Artsakh). The sympathetic Kaputtnik state (146th place out of 167 in the democracy index), which dictator Aliyev inherited from his father and in which his wife is his strongest opposition, died for me as a holiday destination. It’s a shame, Azerbaijan is known for distributing hundreds of millions to Western politicians and journalists to help them form an objective opinion. Huhu, Karin Strenz, Member of the Bundestag, CDU! Huhu, Lintner from the CSU!

Right to self-determination or Stalinist boundaries?

The EU had more than 25 years to calm the frozen conflict, in which there was repeated fighting.

The apparent clash of two equal fundamental rights of international law – the right to self-determination of the Armenians in Nagorno-Karabakh and the territorial integrity of Azerbaijan, which lays claim to the area – creates an apparently difficult conflict situation.

In my opinion, the key question is whether one really delineates Stalin (mustachioed villain; cf. to push back the rule of a corrupt autocrat.

Due to the constant bombardment of the civilian population with drones and banned cluster bombs and the planned destruction of all infrastructure (keyword: scorched earth), all that remains is the recognition of the Republic of Artsakh to place its remains under the symbolic protection of the international community , what has been denied her so far.

Aliyev and Erdogan: Our longtime NATO friend and brother in arms Erdogan is also responsible for the escalation of the conflict. (Source: Image Images)Aliyev and Erdogan: Our longtime NATO friend and brother in arms Erdogan is also responsible for the escalation of the conflict. (Source: Image Images)

Mrs. Merkel, negotiate!

Incidentally, it is not only the Azerbaijani dictator Aliyev who is behind the whole mess, who is under enormous domestic political pressure because of the fall in oil prices. But our longtime NATO friend and brother in arms Erdogan, an autocratic, bellicose and expansionist colleague who for years has done nothing but provocation after provocation and destabilization after destabilization. And now deploy his soldiers and jihadist mercenaries on five fronts.

Last time I checked, the EU was neither a military nor a political force, despite all the press reports saying otherwise. But it has a very effective lever at hand: its economy.

EU imports from Turkey amounted to a whopping € 69.780 million in 2019, which is about half (45.66 percent) of Turkey’s total exports (€ 152.835 million). Turkey alone gets 10 percent of their exports from Germany. Well, I don’t know what YOU call such a thing. I call it a compelling offer to negotiate. (Negotiate) negotiate, Mrs. Merkel! Otherwise, the full supply of mulberry red wine in Arzach will not be enough to keep the people there alive.

PS: Fun fact for EU nerds: many media outlets have taken over the story of the German government and disapproved of Cyprus for “blocking” sanctions against Belarus. According to the final report of the conference of foreign ministers, the investigation into sanctions against Belarus and Turkey was actually planned. However, as President of the Council, Germany has submitted a proposal that only sanctions against Belarus should be applied, with the exception of sanctions against Turkey. Decide for yourself who didn’t play properly here. Wink smiley!

During the German presidency of the EU Council, Martin Sonneborn reflects satirically on the events in the Belgian capital for Chillreport. In his column, the 55-year-old looks at the big picture – in his own way.

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